Times of India, 28 Novembar 2000
Psychoanalyst studies the anatomy of an NRI's inner self
L.K. Sharma
LONDON:Indians were placed on the couch at the Nehru Centre here late last
week The hour long session revealed the rough landscape of the inner
universe of the NRIs. The story that came out would make those hying in
India less envious of the green card holders The talk by Alan Roland, the
New York-based author and practising psychoanalyst, seemed to answer the
usually ignored question: What price success?
The Millennium Lecture on Significant Differences in the Indian Self
Compared to North European and North American Self' indicated that
notwithstanding the hype about globalisation, the East and the West are
unable to meet.
Citing case studies Roland highlighted the problems encountered by Indians
in their interaction with Westerners He talked about the "bi-cultural self'
that develops upon immigration to western countries and compared various
facets of the Indian familial self; rooted in hierarchical relationships,
with the individualised self of westerners. The individualistic I-self of
west-erners provides a sharp contrast to the Indian We-self.
Roland illustrated how the psychological gulf between Indians and westerners
living in America causes misunderstanding in work places. An indian's
attempts to adapt at the work place causes con-flict at home. Indians in
America soon learn that the traits of modesty, deference, lack of
assertiveness get them nowhere. In fact. normal Indian deference is often
misinterpreted by superiors as passivity
Hard working and brilliant Indians discover thit sa!ary increases are
not given unless demanded. An Indian mother learns only to distract the
child by offering alternative gratification rather than saying a firm "no".
Westerners are Unable to cope with the multi-level communication ambiguity
and empathic sensing that Indians are accustomed to.
Indian communication is as non verbal as it is verbal Indians in whose
familial self self-esteem is central find the American forthright critiques
hurt ful Accustomed to interdependence, Indians believe that asking is also
a form of giving. Roland spoke of a young brilliant Indian looking for a job
whom he had recommended to an American CEO friend The young man was told
that the company would inform him if a place fell vacant. but he kept
ringing the CEO who was irritated, not realising that the young man by
approaching him again and again was only trying to enhance the potential
giver's self-esteem.
What is proper in Indian relationships is contextuality based on time,
Place, nature of the hierarchical relationship. Thus an Indian tends to say
one thing to one person and something quite different to another on the same
topic. Westernrs who assume universal laws and a universal human nature can
look quite askance at this.
Arnerican assertiveness, forth-right verbal conmmunication, autonomy of
decision-making, are inter-nalised so that one can function in American
society. But there is often a great deal of inner anguish and struggle in
Indians to have these two very different selves live together .The second
generation also faces great conflicts between a more Americamsed self and an
Indian self derived from family relationships
Roland's introductory remark indicated that the impact of the self-loathing
taught to Indians by their colonial masters endures. He said Indian culture
and Indians were pervasively denigrated. Indians were often seen as
hypocritical, deceptive, passive, dependent, effete, superstitious, lacking
in individuality and having only a collective selt "These attitudes, affect
Indian men much more than Indian women, who seem to be more comfortable with
the indigenous culture and ways of being. I think it is still a delicate
issue for many educated Indian men as to how westerners regard them:'
